I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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