You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
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