they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize