you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
