It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
