i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
