Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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