Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
