why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you didnt know i had herpes?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
How external is "for external use only"?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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