Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
