On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
