She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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