I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
