i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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