this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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