I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
