i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
