I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize
