Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
