I understand Curling. That high.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
