youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
