Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
