O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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