I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
