UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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