I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
