my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize