we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
