Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
