OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
