You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
its liver damage thursday
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