the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
