Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
