coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
