It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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