I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
