Small penises have feelings too.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
