I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Pooping to opera.
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