Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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