Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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