I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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