Don't make out with my wife yet
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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