I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
