So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
