please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
