You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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