I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize