I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Damn victory sex feels great
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
