ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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