I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
They have beer where we have blood.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
