he fucked my hip out of place.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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