My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
