I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
