Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize