if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
