Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
