Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
