So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
did i walk over a car last night?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
