Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
