I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
