When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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