College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
