Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
