I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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