"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
