I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
