Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize