I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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