You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
