im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
