I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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