At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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