try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he shaved USA in his pubs
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize