im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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