I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
