Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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