Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
