Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
