The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
