my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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