in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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