You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
