her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
