guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
