I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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