community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
