i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
