I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
