How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
