I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
