apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
