careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
