if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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