how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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