Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
this is an emotional support booty call
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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