he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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