Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I currently don't understand fingers.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
