never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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