At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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