i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
