I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
