3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
