So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
